Like many black girls I had a complicated relationship with my hair grows up.
During most of my childhood I never really knew what my Natural curls looked. Once I was old enough to get one RelaxationMy meeting was planned. Getting my hair permed was a constant in my life for over a decade.
Over the years, instead of learning How to take care of my hairI chose to hurt it. My flat iron was booked and busy during my most formative years. I didn’t let anyone see a single wave or any trace of texture until the New Year’s year in college.
My difficult relationship with my hair continued to adulthood – and sometimes to the hands of others. On a particularly hard day, one of my close guy friends saw that I had blown out my hair. Instead of complimenting me, he decided to say that I looked like a palm tree affected by Hurricane Irma. What a descriptive way to kick me while I was already down. Even though I was afraid, I tried something new and someone I thought cared about me raised that uncertainty. Back to the heat damage I went.
It wasn’t just a hairstyle for me. In one day I learned to really love my hair.
Three years after that comment met Covid Pandemic. I was stuck with nothing to do and nowhere to walk, so for the majority of lockdown I wore cornrows. When I was growing up, I did not like to wear this style because social conditioning made me think they were not feminine – which is the longest from the truth. While I was isolated, I became good at braid and would cornrow my hair once a week. Since my hair was finally protected and got a break from the heat styling, my curls began to become more prominent. So much so in the autumn of 2020 I cut off my dead ends and had a full head of curls for the first time since I was a child.
Over the next four years I experimented with different products and protection styles, but I never felt beautiful just on my natural hair. I didn’t know what to do. When all hope was lost, I decided it was time for a hairstyle – by someone who knew what they were doing. Living in Phoenix, an area with few options for textured hair, I began to search for curly hair salons and specialists. Funny enough, one of my favorite creators used to live in the same state and would have the hair done at a salon not so far from me. So I looked at it, booked a time in the same place, and the next thing I knew it was finally time.
I hadn’t had my hairstyle for almost a decade, so I was terrified, but my curl specialist, Melanie cashMade the Lord’s work that day. I came in with dry, tangled curls that I did not know what to do with, and when I left I had fresh stud curls and a described hair care routine that actually made me excited for Wash Day.
I saw my hair transformed in front of my eyes and learned what it needed along the way. I have 4A/B textured hair with low porosity, which means I have tighter coils that need a lot of hydration. Because of this, I learned, I would need to deep condition and steam treat my hair during my weekdays so that it is not too dry.
As we went through each step, I asked what she was doing and with what products, even notes on my phone to ensure that I would not forget and could recreate this process next washing day. Now I knew which products I would use in what order:
- Clarifying shampoo
- Moisturizing shampoo
- Deep conditioner (with a steamer)
- Proteinserum
- Moisturizing gel
- Mousse
- Diffuse (high speed high heat)
- Oil
After several years of fear and suppression of what of course grew out of my head, it only took two hours with a knowledgeable person who took care of me to see not just how beautiful my hair is, but to learn that it is actually not difficult to do either.
It wasn’t just a hairstyle for me. In one day I learned to really love my hair. The hair I have had for the last 25 years, for the first time.
Now that a few months have passed and I have settled in my new routine, I wish I had planned for a while before. My bad hair days are not as taxing. I can experiment with new styles and know how I adapt them to the needs of my hair. And above all, I’m happy and love how I look with my natural hair, regardless of style. It took me a while to come here, but I love my fro and would not change it for the world.
Daria Yazmia is a freelance writer, social media manager and advocate for Bipoc communities. She is a proud degree at Arizona State University’s Walter Cronkite School of journalism.