If there is one thing we love to do as a generation, it cancel a plan. Although it sounded “so fun!” At that time, there is no greater feeling than checking your phone a few hours before you meet and see “You will hate me” text from a friend. But have we taken our love to interrupt too far?
There used to be a time when plans were reserved for actual emergency situations, such as having the flu or getting a flat tire. Now it turns into a more relaxed event. Of course, if you don’t know Happy Hour, don’t feel happy hour – and Mental Health Days are important to take. But when each plan feels optional until the last possible second, do you actually prioritize your mental health or do you just happen to be too comfortable in bed?
“We are in an era where canceling friends have become more common,” says friendship expert Shari Leid. “But with loneliness that becomes a widespread issue, one of the simplest but most profound ways you can promote connection by honoring your social commitments and being a reliable friend.”
Although in general it is easier and more convenient to BEDLet me explain why you should resist the desire to cancel your friends the next time you have plans.
Experts displayed in this article
Shari Find is a friendship expert and life coach on an incomplete perfect life.
Victoria MurrayLCSW, is a psychotherapist and the owner of Root to Rise Therapy.
Why does the interrupting plans feel so good?
Personal attack: The reason you can love to cancel the plans may be due to laziness. “Especially post-pandemic, many of us became used to the comfort of our own cocoons that interact through screens,” says Leid. It requires much less effort – And in some cases money – To stay at home in PJ than to put on a bra and meet friends.
But on a deeper level you may want to cancel plans because you are a victim of expected anxiety. According to psychotherapist Victoria Murray, LCSW, this is what happens when “planning sounds exciting and non-threatening when they are in a distant future, but when it approaches and you start to imagine being out of your comfort zone, feelings of anxiety and fear can come up.”
When it is ok to cancel (and when it is not)
Although it is important to stand by your commitments, it is also ok if you have to cancel your plans sometimes, for example if there is an emergency or if you are not feeling well either emotionally or physically. “Mental health and fatigue are both valid reasons to cancel plans, but if you are that cancel plans for this reason again and again, it is probably a good idea to reflect,” says Murray. “Maybe you commit to too many things and need to take a step back from saying” yes “in the first place, or maybe you have mental health needs that go unaddled and need formally treated.”
Leid also adds that even if it is OK to cancel once in a while, you should be aware of how often you do it: “To cancel should be the exception, not the rule, and it should be based on genuine, non-recurring reasons for maintaining confidence and respect in your friendship.”
With this in mind, you should avoid canceling if you do not have a valid reason – especially if it is for an event that is really important to your friend or at a time when they may need you, says Murray. In addition, you should avoid interrupting just because you found something better to do. “To evaluate and respect each other’s time is crucial in friendship,” says Leid. “If your reason for the bail is purely self -centered, it can really strain the relationship.”
Why should you avoid canceling your plans
If you experience expected anxiety (or anxiety in general for upcoming plans) it may actually be better for your mental health to not Cancel them. “Avoiding things that make you worried can be a dangerous bike that actually gets anxious to increase and make you more isolated over time,” says Murray.
However, when you stick to your commitments, Leid says that it can “promote a sense of empowerment” and “build trust.” This can lead to new experiences and contacts that may otherwise have been missed. In addition, you probably have much more fun when you’re out.
You should also avoid canceling plans as it may make your friends feel that they are not a priority. “When someone repeatedly interrupts you, it doesn’t just make you feel insignificant; it actively erodes that trust and undermines the very foundation of your friendship,” says Leid. (No one wants to feel like Bonus friend.)
At the end of the day, all types of relationships take a certain effort – including friendship. “Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable to show people in our lives that we care about them,” says Murray. And really, it can mean a lot to show up for the people you care about, even if it’s as simple as meeting dinner. Speaking of experience, sometimes the best memories come from the plans you almost interrupted.
Taylor Andrews (She/her) is Balance Editor on PS, specializing in subjects relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and story. Before she came to PS 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.
