We’ve all been there: tempted to text or call your ex (or situation) To be a little classic comfort, to be vulnerable, try to find the constantly difficult closure or just just connect again. But chances are there is a good reason why things ended as they did, and No contact goes is the best approach. If you have problems with zero contact after a split, do what I did and just send them to “the cemetery.”
No, that’s not what you think. (We do not recommend any illegal activity here.) Instead, it is practice to send them to the cemetery on the phone’s contact list, where you cannot easily access their number. It is simple: just change the name of the contact to a tombstenemoji, so that they end up at the bottom of the contact list, with other no-names that have been replaced with emoji. That way you will not be able to differentiate each person in the cemetery.
Last year, while I had struggled to release the idea to reach out to a former lover with whom I had made a pact without contact, I finally came across the solution that changed everything. I got the idea when I browsed Tiktok and encountered a viral video from @Keleanicolengangwho shared their inventive way to stay responsible. And as it turns out, it also managed to keep me responsible.
In the viral video, the text transfer reads, “she wanted to reach an old situation but cannot.” When I browse through his contact list, Chelsea says, “So the thing is that I already sent him to the cemetery, so I don’t know what number is his.” TikTok followed the Tombstone trend and found that it is actually a rather effective way to help help To move on from the past.
Licensed mental health advisor Carlos Escobar thinks so. According to Escobar, the strategy is not only a fun trend, but can be a symbolic way to maintain boundaries with your ex after a division. “By changing the name to tombstones,” Escobar tells PS, “You create a mental association with the end of the relationship, which can serve as a deterrent when you feel the desire to reach out.”
Experts displayed in this article
Carlos EscobarLMHC, CCTP, is a mental health advisor and clinical manager at Real Recovery.
Claire teamMBACP, is an accredited adviser and psychotherapist.
Although it may seem light -hearted and fun, the cemetery can actually be quite effective to keep people responsible because it offers a visual clue to your brain that reinforces your decision to move on.
Claire Law, a relationship psychotherapist, agrees. “On the surface it may seem like a stupid gimmick, but from a therapeutic point of view, for a therapeutic point of view, says this method to change your name on your ex’s contact to a series of grave emojis,” says the law. “The Tombstone images give a symbolic sense of closing and finality for the relationship. It” burly “bury” that connection in the phone’s cemetery of contacts. ”
By 2022 I had been in a real situation: a three -month throw that originated from an Instagram DM and led to long weekends together in bed and ultimately injured feelings at both ends. When it ended, we both agreed that no contact seemed to be the best way to go. But like all people with deep feelings for another person, I struggled to deal with the sudden end and sought this technical tactics, one that I hoped would save me.
Each time I saw the tombstone in my contacts, as Escobar suggested, I reminded me of the relationship and causes of its end: incompatibility, want different things and polar opposite Communication styles. When I put the tombstone instead of her name, I found logistically that I could no longer communicate with her, yes, but I also reminded that the situation had been buried and that it would not come up for air.
Is the cemetery, however, a long -term solution? Can you really Go on from an ex in this way? The answer, which I found out, was no.
In time, I still felt that I was still missing her; How she loved Dirty Martinis, Pop Stars and her new espresso machine. How she smiled big and lit all the rooms. How she could see so quickly through my exterior. It’s not just going away – and yet it doesn’t. I still see things and want to tell her about them. I still imagine what could have been if we were right for each other. I think maybe, that’s exactly what happens when we connect to another person – when we feel their heart and what makes it beat.
The truth is that no contact can only take you so far in your healing, and this method in particular cannot take you all the way through. It didn’t for me. “Although it can prevent accidental texts or conversations,” says Escobar, “it does not address the emotional aspect of the division, which is crucial for long -term healing.”
Sure, changing the name of an ex’s contact to tombstones is a smart way to avoid contact, but law adds that it should be supplemented by emotional work and support from friends, family and even a therapist. After all, the goal is to heal and grow with the period with no contact to rebuild and rediscover itself.
“Hire in every way” cemetery “as a creative commitment unit. But see it as the first phase of a longer journey. Support it with other methods such as journaling, counseling, medicine, self -care procedures and surround yourself with positive crossbar,” law suggests ” , embrace the humor and then put in the hard work of really letting go. ”
You don’t just want your ex being buried in a digital cemetery, adds teams. Instead, from the experience, you will have added rest what you couldn’t before.
Now, almost two years past my situation, I injured less. I can see the relationship for what it was at the same time as I appreciate its beauty. But I do not attribute it to the cemetery; I attribute the work I put in, which for me was complicated and strange and meaningful: therapy, Daily meditationMatch over coffee, using a psychicWriting about the relationship – what we see in each other, how we left each other better and how I will always be grateful to know her as I did.
The truth should be said, I only used the cemetery a bit, until I felt strong enough to leave her. Sometimes, what we want is not what is best for other people, and when we can find a way to put down our selfishness we can let someone else shine without us. Now she lives in my contact list as she once did, with a solemoji next to her name, bright as her smile and gel manicure. And I’m happy for her.
Hayley people (She/her) is a freelance writer, editor and podcast host based in New York City. She hosts “Naked Folk” podcast – a sexual wellness and relationships podcast – and she writes for large publications about LGBTQ+ community, travel, lifestyle, sex and wellness. In 2022 she got her Master of Fine Arts in creative writing from the new school.