This season of “Love is blind” have ruled conversations about the difference between healthy flirt and element -What is defined as giving backhanded compliments intended to undermine a person’s self -value. The conversation has taken off since the first episodes of the season eight dropped, where Dave, one of the competitors, opens his first conversation with: “So, what’s wrong with you?” And make jokes that his date “gets old” or is “no longer attractive” when talking about age.
Before I go further, I want to make the differences between flirting and negative clear. While flirting is fun and lighter, negative feels subtly conflicting and rejecting. Usually, healthy flirting is not followed by a dismissive “relax, it was just a joke”, but negative is often – because the intention is to make the recipient feel that they are too sensitive. Healthy flirting feels fun, exciting and affirmative; Negging doesn’t. Continues a relationship with someone who is negating you can activate your anxietyBecause the focus can switch from exploring your compatibility to wonder if you will ever be enough for them.
Negging is a subtle dating tactic that is intended to undermine a person’s confidence to the point where they can begin to seek confirmation and validation from the person who resigns them.
Some examples of Negging Tactics are:
- Give backhanded compliments: “You are really beautiful for your age!”
- Retas with flavors of insult: “Something must be wrong with you if you are still single.”
- To take up Exer in a way that creates uncertainty or comparison: “My ex was always met when we were going out! She was so beautiful.”
- Makes it seem like they do you a favor: “You are lucky to do this with you. I never do it with anyone.”
When these types of comments are combined and persistent, it can make the recipient feel that they are selected – which again shifts the focus from assessing real compatibility to activating the innate desire to be liked.
Know this: Backhanded compliments are not compliments, and they are not friendly. Compliment should feel good and not confusing. Compliments expand you, do not shrink you. It is important to remember that those who have a pattern of integrating negative into their spoil usually do not try to form an authentic connection. Instead, they generally test to see who will get these thinly crafted insults as humor, which over time can make the recipient feel that they have to prove how “cold” they are by tolerate discomfort that comes with teasing.
When it comes to “Love is Blind”, it is impossible to know someone’s real intention from an edited reality TV show. But it is clear that Dave’s remarks create uncertainty; Lauren, his possible hubby, tells his internal dialogue before the disclosure. She shares with the audience that she wonders if she will be enough for him because she assumes he is mostly involved Hot people Based on conversations they have had. This is a typical answer when someone is at the end of jokes that have an insult in them.
When the person we meet creates a safe and secure environment for us to be our full self, doubts if we are good enough for them to become quieter, not higher. Moments like these can serve as a valuable reminder to check in with yourself under dating interactions. If someone’s word leaves you to feel insecure or unsure of your value, it is worth reflecting on whether that dynamic feels good for you and adapts to your values.
Alyssa mancao (She/her), LCSW, is a social worker, group practice owner and keynote speaker. She got her master’s degree in social work from the University of South California and has been practicing for over a decade. She has contributed to various well -known stores to manage strategies to increase self -connection and navigate conflicts in relationships. Her recommendations for mental health strategies have been presented in Vogue, Elle and Women’s Health. Alyssa is a PS council member.
