When you think about Girls TravelPictures of fluffy clothes and cocktails by the pool will probably think about. They are a chance for friends to leave stress behind, strengthen bonds and be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. But there is often more under the surface, such as what we have seen on the last season of “The White Lotus”, with its Dysfunctional trio friendship implodes at one Thai resort.
Early on, we learn that Jaclyn, Kate and Laurie are best friends from childhood now in the 40s. Jaclyn, who paid for the trip, is a famous actress who married an actor 10 years as her junior. Kate lives in Austin and may have (or safely) voted for Trump. Laurie is a separate mother and lawyer from New York who pays Palimony. They start the journey and say how much they love each other, but still are fast pair together and gossip about the other person when they are not nearby.
Since Laurie is the only one who is single, Jaclyn takes on his wing woman and urges Laurie to have a throw with valentine, the young and attractive health entrance. However, when Jaclyn’s man suddenly stops responding to his texts, she begins to spiral. A night of drinks and dance culminates in Jaclyn who sleeps with Valentin – the same man she had pressed on Laurie throughout the season.
If you hug Jaclyn’s behavior, it may be because you have had a friend whose plans always revolve around men. This friend can also have a competitive side that puts them contrary to others in the group. But before you rush to them, keep in mind that Jaclyns in your life is probably fighting their own insecurities.
Below, PS asks a therapist about how to navigate a friendship with someone who tends to center men and prioritize romantic occupations over friendship.
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Brianna ParuoloLCMHC, is a mental health core that specializes in women’s mental well -being. See is also the founder of On Par Therapy.
How to handle competitive friends
For starters, it seems that the band between Jaclyn, Kate and Laurie is solid. Although they live miles apart, they make a point in talking on the phone and routinely meet. But as they grew up together, they still buy the community that probably started back in high school and have continued to adulthood, says mental health advisor Brianna Paruolo, LCMHC.
Immediately we get the feeling that Jaclyn is the trio of the trio, especially when they remember that he made a school sound where they had to act as if they were a person: Kate was his feet, Laurie was his hands and Jaclyn was forward and mine as his face. “And so Kate and Laurie feel like background signs to his famous friendAnd there is constant competition between them, especially when men are present, ”Paruolo tells PS.
When Laurie settles the first night, Kate and Jaclyn speculate on her drinking and her unwavering daughter; Laurie and Kate later gossip about Jaclyn’s vanity and have to compete despite her success; And Jaclyn and Laurie accuse Kate of imitating her husband’s political views. They all strive to live up to impossible standards and acidify each other during the process.
In this culture of comparison it is Normally to feel jealous of your friends. Paruolo’s advice is to avoid comparisons downward as saying, “This person is successful, and I can never be like this.” Instead, try to make uphill by saying: “This person does something incredible, and I can do it too.”
Understand the need for validation
When Jaclyn sleeps with valentine, it seems like a storage against her marriage and Her friendship with Laurie. But Jaclyn probably doesn’t look that way because she is more concerned about masking her uncertainties, especially when she doubles and denies her infidelity. “Jaclyn’s decision -making will always be driven by what suits her,” says Paruolo.
As a viewer you might be thinking, “I’m nothing like Jaclyn” or “I wouldn’t want to be her friend.” But it is possible that Jaclyn’s behavior is a management mechanism rather than a deliberate storage room, says Paruolo. Jaclyn felt down and unsure of her relationship and Valentin gave the immediate external validation she was looking for.
In addition, Jaclyn lives in a World that praises youth and beauty. That said, Paruolo clarifies, “That does not mean that she can avoid taking responsibility for her actions.” But, she adds, “it is a human need and the desire to be accepted, loved and desired.” Someone who Jaclyn is used to achieving validation from men and may not be aware that they are projecting their insecurities on their friends.
Recognize when you have grown the friendship
As adults, Laurie and Kate continue to put Jaclyn on a pedestal, for example when Kate says she boasts that Jaclyn is one of her closest friends. “When we continue to tell someone as they are, they will eventually record in it,” says Paruolo. Instead of assessing your friends or expecting them to live up to your standards, take the ownership of the story you tell you about who you are as a friend.
If a friend continues to drive you to go out, join or invite men, think about your limits, says Paruolo. This may mean calling it one night, as Kate did, or tell your friend how their behavior affects you with “I” statements like “I feel uncomfortable when you take people back to the hotel.” In Laurie’s case, however, made Jaclyn confront accusations only her more defensive. “That’s because people can only be as honest with you as they are with themselves,” Paruolo adds.
Some friendship can withstand far beyond childhood. Yet it is worth asking yourself, “If I met this person today, Would I still be friends with them? “Says Paruolo.” If you had to put on a pair of shoes you wore in fourth grade, it would be an uncomfortable fit, so it is like saying that the shoes got me so far, but I have developed, grown and changed. “In other words, you don’t have to force friendship that no longer meets.
Nandini MaharajPHD, is a trained therapist with a master’s degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health. Her writing about health, wellness, relationships and dogs has been presented by PS, self, well+good, business insider, apartment Therapy, American Kennel Club and more.
