On the back of an Uber on the way home from a work trip, Grace Dawson, a publicity coordinator (whose name has been changed), knew by brushing her colleague’s thighs against hers. She then realized the feelings she had for her “work bestie” exceeded the parameters for typical work friends. “We did all ordinary things you can expect from a work trip: getting drunk, talking shit, taking romantic photos of each other, being drunk again. I remember we sat in an uber back to our Airbnb with our legs pressed together, thinking , ‘Oh no.
Dawson was about to move in with her boyfriend at the time her colleague crusher developed before reminding her life. “Cut to an unintentional romantic dinner, some too many drinks and us frenetically joins On the back of a hazy club. All this after I drunk admitted that I had feelings for her, “she says.” The next morning, after breaking up with my boyfriend, I told her it could never happen again. ”
Similarly, Laura Levine, a coordinator in the gender study department at her university, began to spend more and more time with a certain colleague until a romance bloomed. (That everything eventually led to her decision to never meet a colleague again, but more on that later.)
Dawson and Levine are among many who have discovered that they have feelings for someone in their workplace. Nearly 60 percent of American employees have experienced a romantic relationship with a colleague, according to a 2023 Society for Human Resource Management investigation. And the main reason is often convenience: per 2023 Forbes Survey, 65 percent of respondents indicated comfort as the driving force for romance in the workplace. In the meantime a new Glasser The survey found that 45 percent of the professionals surveyed believe that workplaces have more romantic potential than dating apps.
Experts displayed in this article
Engle Gigh is a relationship psychotherapist, sex therapist and resident intimacy expert on 3fun.
Lindsay then is vice president of HR insights on Operations.
“Meeting someone at work is probably easier than Meeting someone in a bar. At work we have the ability to start as friends and get something to develop. This gives us a chance to get to know someone and possibly create a stronger emotional band, “says relationship psychotherapist Gigi Engle. Not to mention how much time we spend at work: according to data in”Happiness at work“The average person spends 90,000 hours of their lives that work.
Like more Return to the officeSingles log of zoom and go into conference rooms and raise their chances of lit in offices. “My work recently started a hybrid schedule, and at first I was very annoyed, but then I realized that there is a potential to get some colleague to throw,” says graphic designer Katie Evans (whose name has changed). “I’ve been to Dating apps For three years now, and I really hate being on them. I show meeting someone in the real world all the time. ”
However, with work romance comes risk. If a confusion ends poorly, it is easy to feel trapped because you still have to see that person at work. “We must be aware that everything that goes wrong in a work of romance can directly affect our careers, whether it goes over for campaigns or possibly in a really awkward situation where you have to see someone you had one thing with every day when it Is over, says Engle.
Levine learned the hard way. “After I broke with my girlfriend, I had to work with her for over two years after it ended, which made it difficult to loosen from her and focus on my actual job,” she says. The Forbes The survey found that 57 percent of respondents agree that relationships in the workplace affected their performance. Although Levine believes that Work Romance can work in theory, she is not interested in testing it for herself ever again.
For some, suppressive feelings for a colleague, no matter how much effort go into it, are just not feasible. “We would spend lunch breaks taking walks and plan how we could get the feelings we had to suddenly disappear. Turns out they would not disappear,” Dawson says.
A year into the new relationship, Dawson says they make it work because of the limits they set: “When you both have a bad day in the same place it makes it easy to take it out on each other. Be hard not to Let these spheres blend together.
Engle confirms that the best limit you can set is to limit discussions about work -related topics when you are outside the office. “Of course, you may want to talk about people at work or shared experiences at human level, but discussing shared projects etc. should be left for working hours,” she says.
Removes the Bos-Subordinatic Romance
Getting involved in a romantic relationship with a colleague has a certain set of risks. However, engaging with a supervisor can quickly become an HR nightmare.
For Serena Khan (whose name has changed) everything started when her boss started buying her coffee every morning. Khan, a 23-year-old consultant at the UN, was skeptical of her 37-year-old chief’s generosity, but didn’t think much until she received an invitation to participate in a BBQ in his house. (The gesture was not expanded to any other colleagues.) Even though she did not accept his invitation then, the sinking flirt eventually led to a secret connection at their infamous work holiday party.
When you start a relationship with your boss or more junior colleague, Engle suggests considering the obvious difference of power, “depending on the role you and your lover are in, if this person has power over you, it may be serious consequences. You really want to Weigh out the risk before you do something with a colleague.
Many companies have policies that prohibit romantic relationships, so it is important to learn what yours is. HR -Expert Lindsay Peress strongly suggests that you contact HR directly. “There are several concerns that will think about, such as the perception of benefit treatment, which makes colleagues feel uncomfortable if the supervisor/subordinate provides relationship problems for work or even a possible requirement for sexual harassment,” explains Peress.
When Khan no longer wanted to continue in the relationship, she thought it was challenging to find an exit. “I didn’t know how to set boundaries and get space when I didn’t want to see him,” she says. “I lost the opportunity to be haunted and were constantly forced to be polite and professional.”
When you quit things, Peress suggests that you put your needs and boundaries on your mind while you remain as professional as possible. She says: “Ending a romance in the workplace, especially with someone you work closely with, must be handled with the utmost care. If possible, consider if it may make sense to ask for a transfer to another team or seek guidance from HR. ”
So can workplace relationships work?
While emotions can be difficult to control, Engle encourages to control his actions and take the time to consider whether a collaboration relationship is worth it. “Making a certain self -reflection and given the possible consequences can help us strengthen which measures may be best for us.”
Although complicated, studies show that in workplaces can work with the right amount of communication. In the end, people in relationships should consider whether it is worth the risk. Same Forbes The study also found that 43 percent of participants who dated a colleague stopped marrying them and proved that it could be done.
Khan’s relationship with her boss may have stopped, but she admits that she would be involved in the dynamics again. “It was a little fun to have a secret at work,” she explains. In the meantime, Dawson says she does not regret her relationship for a minute, “there is always the remaining” what-if suddenly called an HR meeting, but truthfully I think there are bigger problems to deal with than having two people who kiss when The office lifts close at the end of the day. ”
